hey,
okay so... i don't even know where to start. my hands are literally shaking and it's not because of the cold this time.
so i was doing my usual night shift right? dead quiet, nobody orders pizza on valentine's day apparently, everyone's at fancy restaurants eating stuff i can't pronounce. and i'm just standing there behind the counter folding boxes because that's what i do when i'm nervous.
then the door opens and... it's her. jessy. standing there in this outfit and she's got this little smile on her face, the kind where you KNOW she's up to something but you can't figure out what, and your stomach does that thing where it just... leaves.
she walks right up to the counter and slides this envelope toward me. doesn't say a word. just watches me with those eyes. so i open it and it's this valentine asking me to be hers tonight and i swear my face went so red you could've stuck a pepperoni label on me and put me in the display case.
so she tells me she booked a room at this place downtown. and i'm standing there like... is this real?? is this a prank?? am i being filmed for something?? but she grabs my hand and her fingers are warm and i just... clocked out. literally.
we get to this room and it's actually really nice, candles and everything, she must've set it up beforehand. and then she puts her bag on the bed and starts pulling stuff out and i'm just standing by the door like a lamp.
she's got rope. like, actual soft rope, the kind that's clearly not for hanging pictures. she's got a blindfold. she's got these little wrist cuff things with velvet on the inside. she's got candles that she says are "special" and melt at a lower temperature, and she said that part while looking me RIGHT in the eyes and i forgot how to breathe
and then she holds up this little glass bottle with something shimmery inside it and says "i made this myself" with this proud grin, and honestly i don't know what it is but the way she said it made my whole chest feel like it was full of hot water.
she laid everything out on the bed all neat and organized, like a menu. like she's giving me time to look at it all. to understand what's about to happen. and the thing is... i DO understand. and that's what's terrifying. because i want all of it. every single thing on that bed. i want her to do whatever she's planning to do and i want to not be the nervous pizza boy for one night, or maybe i want to be EXACTLY the nervous pizza boy because i think... i think that's what she likes about me?
she just touched my face before she went to the bathroom. just put her hand on my cheek and said "don't go anywhere." like i could move. like my legs work. like i'm not rooted to this carpet replaying the feeling of her palm on my skin over and over and over.
i can hear the water running in there. she's probably getting ready. i should be getting ready too but instead i'm writing to you because i don't know what else to do with everything i'm feeling right now and if i don't put it somewhere i think i'll actually combust.
i think tonight is going to change something. i don't know what. but the rope is on the bed and the candles are lit and she chose ME. out of everyone. the guy who can't make eye contact at the register. the guy who drops things when pretty people talk to him. she chose me.
i hear the door handle.
okay i gotta go,
freddy 🍕❤️